Tag Archive | women

Enjoy the quiet days :-)

Feb20

So today it is rainy… and beautiful!

Actually, it was supposed to be our PE and Park Day with our homeschool group.  It starts after lunch, usually lasts several hours, and then everyone heads home tired and ready for the shower.

But… today it rained, so it was all cancelled.

I only schedule school for mornings on our PE days.  And there’s no way, due to a little rain that I’m going to add on an afternoon of unexpected subjects… neither the kids or I are in the mood for that!

So… we took advantage of a rare, free afternoon.  I know I could have used the time to catch up on homemaking tasks.  But I didn’t. :-)

First I baked.  Mmmmm…. A delicious concoction of banana, oats, chocolate chips, almonds… all swirled together with butter, oat flour, and flax… delish and healthy.  Practically breakfast-worthy in my book.

Banana Oat Chocolate Chip cookies

Then, here’s what our daughter and I did:

Rainy Day Fingernails

We glammed up the fingernails!  And instead of going for my usual middle-aged subtle dusty pink, I went for Rockstar Pink Glitter.  Too fun.  You can see me coming from  a mile away.

Our son, in the meantime, was granted extra computer time and is currently attempting to defeat Germany in Call of Duty.

So, take the time to enjoy the unexpected down-time, ladies.  They’re few-and-far-between and I’m learning to use them rather than dismiss them.  I can guarantee the kids won’t forget it!  The laundry can stay laid out on the bed a little longer.  And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just put on a pot of coffee, and me and my glittery self are going to go play a round of Wii Golf with the kiddos, to the sweet tune of falling rain and thunderclaps. :-)

My Continuing Education

Feb15

Whenever I hear the term, “Continuing Education”, it’s usually in reference to the college classes one can sign up for at the local community college. Like, Beginning Portuguese, Learn to Skype!, Scuba Exploration, or Rock Climbing for Starters. Although the idea of scaling a sharp cliff does seem to have some sort of weird attractiveness to it, and I’m sure I would learn something from it, I seem to be on my own path of ‘Continuing Education‘ sans the registration fees or need of a First Aid kit.

I’m hitting the big 3-9 at the end of this month. Which means the big 4-0 is next. But I’m very thankful to a friend who passed on a great philosophy of this milestone to me a few years ago. Her take on it was that she felt like she learned soooooo much in her 30′s, that she was actually excited about her 40′s. Wow… isn’t THAT refreshing? :-)

So, every time I go to the calendar to schedule an activity and see the day getting closer… I’m reminding myself embracing her mindset. After all, she’s right. Think of how much more you know with each passing year.

But it’s such a thin line between being regretful, and being thankful. There’s so many times I find myself saying, “If I could go back and do it all over again…“. (Like how I could just hit the ‘Reset’ button on our Atari when I didn’t like how my Space Invaders game was going.) But I have to stop thinking that way, and instead, be thankful for the wisdom gained from each experience. Maybe I can’t have a ‘re-do’, but I can still apply the learned concepts to other areas in my life. And, more than anything, I can pass on the new knowledge to our children. This is why we become mentors later in life. We think we know it all in our 20′s, right? Chuckle chuckle.

Actually, what I really get a chuckle out of is that so much of what we do as parents is like a ‘re-do’ in life. Things we thought we left far behind us rear back up again as if it grew a new head. Like, our son’s math problems are starting to look like “n = _____”, so now I’m re-facing algebra again. And some things, I just don’t remember at all. I don’t recall ever learning the word, ‘hectare‘ in my math classes before, do you?

Yes, life is sure different when seeing it a second time around, through the eyes of your children. But at least we have our own first run-through to guide us, whether it was successful or not. If we didn’t like how it went for us the first time around, we get to train and inspire our kids to go about these things differently this time. And for all the things we found pleasing, we can amp it up and improve it even more as we get another opportunity at the fun stuff.  And, lest I fail to mention, don’t miss how much we learn from our children.  They have such a way of simplifying, cutting to the chase, and seeing things for what they are.  Often, the life lessons stem from them.

Each day, week, and year are new. We have no idea what we will learn this year, do we? But it’s truly a continuing education. Enjoy it, embrace it, and use it. If not for yourself, then for those around you. Expand, be useful, and be available. :-)

It’s not about me anymore.

Jan7

It was one of those days. A day in which, for probably a couple hours straight, I went from family member to family member to family member, responding to their requests for help with something. Please know, this is not a writing of complaint (I’ve had a few days to purge that)… it was a day I was being reminded of the importance of my role. Must have needed the reminder.

Any mom/wife/parent can relate to this. I was trying to get some time to preview some literature books for when our homeschooling resumes after Christmas. But every time I went to pick up, “The Princess and the Goblin”, or “Around the World in 80 Days”, I heard, “Hey Mom, do I have any clean jeans?”, “Honey, can you open the garage door for me?”, “How do you play an eighth-note?”, “Are these cookies still good?”, “Does this have gluten in it?”, “Can you help me move the TV back into place?”, “We’re out of cheese”, “Can someone hand me a new soap?” (shower running),”My toast burned!”, “Can you help me carry this back to the garage?”, “Can you feed me?” (that was the dog.), “How do you pronounce this word?”, “Buzz” (that was the dryer), “Are we shopping soon because the fridge is empty.”, and then of course, “What’s for dinner?”

And I only have two kids (neither of which are toddlers), one husband, and one dog. Compared to many gals, my load is easy. But the feeling is universal. We are NEEDED… A LOT…and sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be enough of us to go around! But, as I said earlier, I’m not writing this as a complaint.

Being the center of the home is a blessing. It’s our place. It’s what we do. And the reward of a smiling, appreciative family is priceless. It’s not about us anymore, is it? If it were, we might selfishly find ways to have more time on our hands, but would ultimately have less joy in our hearts and our family’s heart. Our work in the home is eternally purposeful, filling, and lasting.

As a mother, you might find your old dreams have gone up on the shelf for a while. It’s ok. There will be a season in which you may be able to pursue them again. Or, like many of us, you may go to revisit your old dreams, only to find you aren’t interested in them anymore. Your priorities and perspectives have changed. You have developed a new ‘you’ because of your role. Parenthood, when embraced, brings about self-LESS-ness. And that’s a beautiful side-effect. I shudder when I think of how self-focused I would probably be right now had I not been on this path for the last 13 years.

So, when the next ‘interruption’ happens, don’t think of it as an interruption. (And I’ll try to do the same. :-) ) Think of it as the routine. Our routine. We are there for the needs of the family, however unexpected, unpredictable, and busy it might get. Your tea might be lukewarm by the time you get to drink it, after you finally figure out where you last left it in the house (ahem), but it will still taste good (and can always be reheated… more than once…) So, have a nice day, smile, and go enjoy your interruptions! ;-)

Figure Out Your Husband

Dec10

Huh? What in the world does that mean? (And… is that even possible?) Well, I’m talking about what we must do as wives, in order to be faithful in what God has called us to do. Actually, in what He has created us to be. A helpmeet.

“…But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20, KJV

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:22, KJV

And Adam took one look at her and said, “Hooo, boy! Thank you, GOD!!” (Ok, I added that part, but can you just imagine Adam’s initial response to be anything different? :-) ) I’m guessing his work in the garden suddenly took on a whole new added motivation… a little more spring-in-his-step, I’d say.

So now Adam was to take on the role of husband, and Eve the role of wife. Each of them in callings that God designed specifically for each.

What do you think Eve’s tasks included in that beautiful garden home? Probably a little different from our modern-day suburban homes, but I’d also say there were many similarities as well. She was Adam’s wife, the same as we are to our husbands. And she had to figure out what he needed from her.

In all husbands, there are common threads that we wives are to be aware of. All men want to feel supported, encouraged, and ‘backed’. They appreciate and depend on our nurturing, fellowship, rejuvenation, and love. But it’s the how that we have to figure out. And that all depends on each guy.

Every man has his own rhythm, and only his wife will gain the true understanding into how he ticks. So we need to pay attention as wives. What motivates your husband? What speaks to him? And on the flip-side, what irritates or frustrates him? Does he have any clear personality traits that stand out to you?

There’s a whole spectrum of dispositions that the hubbies can be categorized into (as there are for wives as well.) So the key is trying to figure out his general qualities and character traits in order to figure out how to best meet his needs.  (And before going any farther, I want to reference the book, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  It is an excellent book on this subject and the source of the ‘manly categories’ as follows…)

Some men are extremely laid back, slow to move, and take their time in decision-making. You’ll probably need to be very patient as this man’s wife, as he probably won’t appreciate being pushed. He may not verbalize his needs as much, simply because he’s easy-going and adapts easily. This may put a little more guess-work on your plate. But at the same time, your steady-eddie will probably have a sense of quiet peace and be easy to please.  Be content with the calmness and simplicity.

Some are much more high-strung and intense. His helpmeet needs to be at-the-ready. He’s more apt to be spontaneous, driving, and have a ‘why isn’t this handled already?’ mentality. His intentions are not to be harsh… he’s just got the “get ‘er done” personality, which can be a plus. It’s easy to know what he wants because he’s very clear and to-the-point. If you’re a sensitive gal, your marital battles may stem from his lack of sugar-coating, coupled with your beating-around-the-bush. (Ahem.)   View his determined energy with appreciation, and provide support when he asks for it.  He will come to value and depend on your input, counsel, and encouragement.

And in the middle of that spectrum, your husband may fall in the adventuresome/creative category. Always has a new plan or idea, and sees changes that need to be made (that none of the rest of us see the need for.) He’ll want you to be his advocate and cheerleader, which can be a challenge since you’ll probably be holding your breath at the same time, wondering where this is going to take you. I doubt life will be very boring for you, and you may just be married to the next Henry Ford, Wright Brother, or Thomas Edison. Although he may have many failures along the way, hearing your “I believe in you” encouragement will help him find success. It will be wise of you to cover him in prayer… especially for the Lord to provide him with discernment in his decisions.

No matter where your husband falls in the spectrum, observe the small things that matter the most to him. Does he prefer a clean house or does he not even care? Maybe he’s just excited to get home, romp with the kids in the backyard, and throw some meat on the grill, not even noticing if the house is in disarray.

Does he prefer a home-cooked meal made from scratch, or does he get more enjoyment taking his pretty wife out to nice restaurants?

Does his job require him to have unpredictable hours, therefore needing flexibility from you? If so, work on your spontaneity and ability to make quick, easy meals. Don’t get angry at him because the meal that took you two hours to prepare is ruined because he was late. Learn to expect the unexpected so there is no resentment. If he is sinfully unbalanced in his work/family time, pray to the Lord for Him to guide your husband’s heart in being faithful in his priorities.

Above all, we need to keep in mind that we were created to be his suitable helper. Not his leader, boss, or conscience. If you are doubting that you are an unsuitable match for your husband, get rid of that thinking. If you are married to him, then you have a covenant with him and God.  God desires your marriage to succeed, and will bless your efforts. It’s not about making sure all your needs, fantasies, and demands are met. God asked you to be your husband’s helper and will equip you for the task.

And He has designed your husband to fall more in love with you when you are the wife he needs you to be.  If your husband is not being faithful in his God-given role of providing you protection and honor, your sincere behavior will speak volumes to him… especially if it’s undeserved on his part.

Pray to the Lord for His guidance and creativity in how to meet your husband’s needs. Then… be available!  You will see the impact your attention has on your husband, and he will develop a deep appreciation for his beautiful bride.

The Blessing of Prayer

Nov27

This is one area we can’t afford to ignore in our lives.  Over the years of my marriage and motherhood journey, I have come to learn just how much the Lord desires us to be in prayer with Him, and just how much of a gift prayer is.  God has given us the rights to talk to Him directly, anytime we want.  He has the ultimate  ‘open door’ policy for which I am so grateful!  He could have easily created us and said, “Best of luck… you’re on your own now.”  But He didn’t.  He wants that fellowship with us… He desires us to draw near to Him.

And He desires good things for us.  Even though He already knows what we need, He still wants to hear from us.  And, just as with our own children, He does not require that our words be perfect.  All He wants is for you to come to Him.  Regularly.  Not just in the hard times.

In fact, praying in advance for things is a very wise idea.  When you know you will be facing a difficult circumstance, ask for Him to prepare you.  When I am anticipating an event that I know will be difficult for my children to endure, I pray for the Lord to prepare them ahead of time and make their hearts ready.  There is no such thing as praying too early about something.  You can even be praying for your child’s adult years, including his/her future spouse, even if your child is only a newborn!

“Thy will be done…”
“Yes, this can be a hard one to ask.  For His will to be done, not ours.  But the wonderful thing we’re allowed to ask for along with this, is for Him to equip us for whatever His will is.  Although we always think we know what is best, God often has a differing opinion (according to His own reasons).  We can’t know His reasoning, and don’t always have the capacity to understand at the time, but, we can ask for His guidance to get us through what He has planned for us.  As the saying goes, God doesn’t call the equipped, He calls us and then equips us.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 7:8-12, NIV (emphasis mine)

Translation:  You can depend on our great God to meet your needs.  He wants to bless us, just as we enjoy blessing our children.  But be sure to come and ask!

Pray, and be sure to watch and pay attention to how He answers.  Many people keep a prayer journal for this purpose.  It is an easy way to be able to see how His hand has been on you and where He has led you.  It also serves as a wonderful prompt to give praises to Him, as you look back and see His blessings and guidance.

So where do we start?  What do we say?  If you weren’t raised with it, it may be an awkward or unsure area for you.  Here’s my theory… remember He is your Father, so talk to Him as if He’s sitting right there and you need to converse with Him about things.  He’s ready for us any time of day or night.

If you’ve never read them, I highly recommend the prayer books written by Stormie Omartian.  I have personally used Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Parent, and feel they have been extremely helpful in my prayer life.  She has written the books in an easy-to-use format in which she covers about 30 different key areas of life, and then provides an applicable prayer.  For example, in Power of a Praying Wife, some of the prayer topics covered (among many others) are:  Your husband’s work, fatherhood, reputation, purpose, temptations, and trials.  By doing one a day (or more, if you’d like), you know you are covering your husband in prayer in every area of his life, every month.  I really came to like this method, as many of the topics written about were ones that I wouldn’t have thought about on my own.  And the ones in Power of a Praying Parent are just as pertinent to your child’s well-being.

So don’t deny yourself the incredible gift of being able to pray directly to our wonderful God.  Be as specific as you want to be in your prayers (i.e. “Please help me find my missing keys!” (ahem.), or “Please help things go smoothly for my husband’s presentation at work today.”, “Please let your Spirit guide my words as I’m discussing my child’s disobedience with him/her.”, “Please make room in the doctor’s schedule to see our child today.”) .  Pray for your husband, children, parents, family, neighbors, government, teachers, friends, and adversaries (you might be amazed what He can do!).  And don’t forget to pray for yourself, either.  Prayer is amazingly powerful tool available with a simple, silent thought… what a blessing!

The Kindness of a Thank You Note

Nov6

Well, it’s now November, the seasons are changing, and we’ve now found ourselves in the beginnings of preparing for a season of celebration.  Many of us will be attending dinners, parties, and family gatherings, and finding ourselves exchanging gifts with loved ones.  And it struck me to touch on a nicety that I think has faded away a little over the years… Thank You notes.

I’m appreciative this kindness was instilled in me growing up.  It was a wise requirement by my parents for my brothers and I to first take the time to write a note to the giver, before we took the time to cash the check, wash the new outfit, or use and abuse the new toy.  (It’s no fun thanking someone for a gift which we’ve already lost pieces to, used up, or shrunk. :-) )  I’ll be honest that it wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but I’m so glad the habit was taught.

And as I got older, I started understanding that this can be extended to thanking people for events, hospitality, or any recent kindness.  We all know how hard it is to host a gathering or a guest… there’s the cleaning, planning, buying, cooking, coordinating, etc.  It can take a lot of effort, which is often very enjoyable, but at the same time stressful.  So when the hard-working hostess receives a thoughtful thank you note afterwards, it’s sure to bring a smile to her lips.

There’s no age too young to start teaching this to your kids.  I’ve received numerous adorable thank you cards from little ones that were nothing more than a crayon scribble with Mom’s caption, “Thank you for the new dress.  I wear it EVERY day!” underneath it.  The wise parent is imparting a habit that will become second-nature to the child over the years.

It’s a way to extend joy, kindness, and warmth to others.  So during and after this beautiful season (as well as all throughout the year), remember this nicety, and use it as part of your character-development in your children.  You, and they, will be a delight to others. :-)

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The Art of Listening

Oct22

Listening… kind of an acquired skill, don’t you think?  At least for me it has been (and still is).  In going through life and having various relationships, we all have probably experienced great listeners, and… not so great ones.  And we learn, the hard way, how hurtful it can be to others when we don’t listen as we should.

This is a skill so needed in our relationships.  There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re not heard when talking to a loved one. You know the feeling.  You’re in the middle of a heartfelt, vulnerable speech about something you’re struggling with, only to find your listener looking away, checking his/her phone, or asking an interrupting question you know doesn’t need asking had he/she been listening.  And on the flip-side, don’t we feel awful when we’re the ones caught being half-involved in the conversation, our distracted attention becoming more apparent by the second?

So, when it happens to you, you realize just how important it is to be a solid listener.  And when others are seeking advice from us, it is vital that we direct full attention to the conversation-at-hand, so as to give well-thought counsel.

Here’s a few characteristics I’ve come to appreciate in those who seemed to have mastered the art of listening:

They do not interrupt
They are patient
They hold their questions
They make eye contact
They are not focusing on their reply while the other person is talking
They do not turn every conversation around to be about them

Now, it wouldn’t be fair to address the listening side without addressing the talking side.  I think it can be summed up with this… Be a respectful talker! Ever had one of those friends that you want to run from when you see her coming… because she doesn’t stop talking!!!  About herself!!  Or whispering… about others.

So…if we’re hoping to have some good listening friends, let’s be sure we’re good talking friends:

No gossiping
No monologuing
No…sigh…woe is me…sigh…drudgery… all the time… sigh.
Be cheerful
Be encouraging
Talk about quality things (at least part of the time!)
Have balanced banter
Be sure to ask about the other person

In short, I think one of the most satisfying things in life is being able to have quality, fulfilling conversations with others. There are many times in which we need to seek counsel from others, and sometimes they need the same from us.  It is a gift to give someone a listening ear… even if they are not seeking feedback, they at least feel heard. :-)

Aging Gracefully

Oct12

This isn’t meant to be a depressing topic, honestly!  I just wanted to create some inspiration to the ladies out there to embrace the beauty that comes later in life, as opposed to fighting against it.

There seems to be such a trend out there to put on a show in regards to our presentation.  And as the years set in, that show gets harder and harder to put on!  But I can’t help but feel such a sadness when I see a woman working so desperately to change (on the outside, at least) what is happening to her physically.

I’ve recently seen two different ladies at local grocery stores who have chosen the cosmetic surgery path, and it clearly didn’t go well.  And it’s terribly sad on my heart, because you can’t help but see straight through to their heart.  It’s painfully obvious that the idea of their body moving on ahead was too much for them to bear, and they decided to fight against it.  Which makes me conclude that they are very driven by their outward beauty, and how others are judging that beauty.  It can become such a sad, frantic circle.

And even if it’s not taken to the level of surgery, there are other age-defying methods we ladies may undertake.  Like working ourselves to death in the gym, or even something as simple as wearing clothing styles that are clearly meant for a much younger generation.  I’m not saying we can’t buy anything from the Juniors department, but be sure to look upon those clothing selections with clear eyes.  Those clothes are designed and meant for the teen/college age, and can just look plain weird when worn on the more, shall we say, seasoned.

We are meant to age… our hair changes, our skin gets tired, and gravity has a field day with our body.  It’s a fact.  Although we can’t stop it, we can at least embrace it and stay classy in the process.  It is perfectly ok to look your age, and it makes the most sense to everyone else when you do.  There are scores of beautiful, smart, elegant ladies out there that embrace their golden beauty with pride.  They are sensible, classy, and loaded with wisdom.  It is these women we want to look to for inspiration, rather than the ones wearing the “Hot Girls Drink Beer” t-shirt at the age of 50. :-)

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The Busybody

Sep25

So what images come to mind when you think of that word?  Maybe the gal with the phone attached to her ear? Or the one always calling and wanting to get together and chat gossip? I often picture this as someone who can usually be found anywhere but in her own home, doing the bare minimum in attending to the affairs in which the Lord has given her responsibility.

And if you know any ladies like this, you might not be surprised to find them discontent, judgemental, or having unruly children.  This is because, rather than handling her own affairs and household, she’s too busy looking in on everyone else, or filling her time with idle activity.

The Bible talks about this in Timothy, and again in 1 Peter:

In Timothy, Paul is addressing how much care a church is to be giving to widows, but he specifically addresses the care in regards to the young widows who may become wanton against Christ:

“Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house.  And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.  So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.”  1Timothy 5:13-14, NIV

In Peter, Paul is addressing the types of things which may cause suffering for a Christian, and warns against the self-inflicted actions that we should avoid, so as to not cause undue suffering.  (In other translations, ‘busybody’ is listed as ‘meddler’ – a perfect synonym.)

“If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy (blessed) are ye, for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part He is evil spoken of (blasphemed), but on your part He is glorified.  But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.  Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” 1 Peter 4:14-16, KJV

We all need some socializing time, but we need to keep a wary eye on how much of and what kind of socializing in which we participate on a regular basis.  When you do get treasured time with some friends, is it uplifting and encouraging, or is it a gossip session?  The latter can be a danger zone, and before you know it, the habits are etched for idleness, slandering of others, irresponsibility, and discontentment.  Which then leads to resentment from our husbands, family, and friends.  A nasty circle, to say the least.

To help resist this temptation, we need to be adjusting our social schedule around our homemaking schedules, rather than the reverse.  If the grocery shopping or other home tasks need to be done, the playdate or Starbucks session can wait.  It might sound silly, but in order to make sure you have a well-run home, start scheduling (yes, on the calendar if needed), your home tasks – grocery shopping, needed errands, and time for homemaking.  And if a social request comes up, it only fits in where there is space available.  It takes the stress out of getting everything done, and definitely leads to an appreciative family and peace in the home.  And what you’ll probably find is that you soon have less time for socializing when your homemaking takes priority… and that’s ok.  The results of a well-run home will speak volumes to you and your family and you will find a lasting peace in filling your time with purposeful tasks, rather than in empty, meddling activities.

And remember… it doesn’t take leaving the house to be a busybody.  As I’ve written about this before, be mindful of your computer/phone time.  How much time do you spend on social media sites?  And when you are done perusing through everyone’s pages, take note of how you feel.  Did it cause you to covet or judge anyone?  Did you put off needed tasks to do it?  I certainly understand the convenience of being able to easily keep up with friends and family, but we always want to maintain the right balance.

In short, God did not ask us to put ourselves in everyone else’s affairs, and if He needs our help, I’m sure He’ll let us know!  What He HAS asked us to do is to stay busy in the home, be faithful to our duties, and give the enemy no opportunity for slander.  Be cautious with whom you keep regular company…A gossip or busybody can never be trusted.  (If she takes the time to gossip to you, who do you think she talks about when she’s with others? :-) ) Instead, be upright and trustworthy in your actions and words… you will be a welcome breath of fresh air.

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Establish daily “Mom and Dad Chat Time”

Sep10

So… what is “Mom and Dad Chat Time”, you ask?  It’s the time of day where you get to talk to your husband… alone. :-)   Every day.  Yes, seriously.  And it doesn’t have to be when the kids are asleep. (Okay – if we’re dealing with mega-young kids, yes, you may have to wait until night-nights time.)  But beyond that, start setting up this time with your husband.  Every day.  Your kids WILL survive without you for 15 minutes!

Why is this necessary?  Because it allows each of you to talk about your day peacefully, without interruption.  It lets you have a chance to cultivate your marriage, even if only for a few minutes!  It tells your kids that, yes, we’re married to each other, and we are going to talk… alone and during daytime hours!!

For my husband and I, the best time for this is shortly after he gets home from work.  After he chit-chats with the kids and shares a pile of pistachios with them at the kitchen island, he and I head down the hall to our bedroom, and the kids know this is our time together.  My husband loves to know how things went for us during the day… How did school go?  Did anyone call?  Did we run errands?  Anything going on with the kids that he needs to know about?  And in return, he updates me on how everything is going with his work… Projects he has going on, upcoming deadlines, the latest office happenings, etc.  It also allows us time to discuss anything that doesn’t need to be overheard by the youngins.

The kids understand that it is our time, and they know they are not to interrupt (unless someone or something is on fire :-) ).  And in return, we don’t take advantage of this time and extend it too long.  After all, the kids are excited to see their dad, and we’re all looking to start our family evening time.  Plus I’m usually somewhere in the middle of making dinner, so often our time ends when my timer on the oven goes off telling me the noodles are done. :-)

And anytime we somehow start getting out of this routine for whatever reason, it really starts to show in a negative way.  It’s like we’re not centered as a couple when we don’t get that meeting time to make sure all is running smoothly, or that we’ve discussed any pressing issues.  Yes, we can and do have discussions later in the evening, but often, we’re tired by then, and it’s never as efficient as doing it during our normal time.

So, if you haven’t already, I encourage you to establish this time with your hubby.  It helps solidify you as a couple, and I believe it also strengthens you in your children’s eyes and gives them added security that Mom and Dad are handling things.  And it also helps them remember that you’re not just “Mommy”… you’re also Daddy’s lady, and he gets to have you all to himself sometimes. ;-)