Tag Archive | motherhood

Remember… Your Children Belong to Him

Apr29

I was reminded of this fact several weeks ago after my alarm had gone off. I was sitting up in bed trying to clear the cobwebs and started thinking about Easter, which was only a few days away. (I know we’re way past Easter now… but my writing opportunities have been very sparse lately!) Anyway, for some reason, I started thinking about Mary. The Mary. How heavy her heart must have felt at this time. Did she even want to get out of bed with each passing day, or did she jump out of bed in hopes to hear more news in her circle regarding what was happening with her beloved boy? Did she know where He was? Did she want to run to find Him and protect Him?

She knew from the moment she started carrying Him that her son had this purpose. But even though Gabriel had given her the low-down over 30 years before, she didn’t know exactly how it was all going to play out. I can’t imagine her motherly feelings as she watched it unfold.

In no way can we possibly compare our situation to Mary’s, the mother of our Savior, but we do have one thing in common… we are parents of children that belong to Him. They are here according to His plans, His timing, and His purpose.

I have to remind myself of this often. God has blessed us with our sweet children… but we have them only for a season. Out of all the people in this world, He chose each one of us to be the parents to our particular children… to pour into them what He needs them to be equipped with… for His purposes.

I don’t know what His plans are for our children. But I pray often for His guidance in helping us prep them for what He has in store. They each have their own unique beat, with their own affinities, aversions, and gifts. Sometimes I can easily see myself in them, and other times I’m left standing there scratching my head as to their latest antics.

Parenting is such a white-knuckle ride sometimes, isn’t it? Just when we think we’ve got something handled, a new crossroad pops up. The scenery changes and things get unpredictable again. We have to make decisions, sometimes on-the-fly. Then we agonize over things, stay awake at night, shed tears, question ourselves, question our kids, question our Lord, change our mind… ugh!!!!!!

That just means we’re good parents. :-) We do this because we care. Deep down inside we want to know our children are well. And more than anything, are they safe? For Christ-centered families, that means that we want to see our children walking with the Lord. That’s EVERYTHING. Nothing else matters if our children’s souls reject the Holy Spirit. Their six-figure salary, global traveling, worldly success means nothing. What really matters is… do they know the Lord? Are their names written in the Lamb’s Book of Life? And, are they of use to Him and reflecting Him?

And in the process of raising our children in the light, we are preparing them for what He might have them do. Be in prayer about what He needs us to prep them for. Take note of their basic personality traits and gifts. What comes easy to them? What are they drawn towards? Sometimes I think you can see these things in their purest form when they are young, before they change due to social pressure… or our own (well-intentioned, mind you) influence.

And this is where comparison and questioning can be our enemy. It’s so easy to look around at other families and then wonder about your own… Shouldn’t my child know her times table by now?… Wow, their 14 year-old already has his own business… Their 10 year-old is playing four instruments and speaks Japanese… Why can’t my child even wear matching clothes for once?… Why is my child such a follower? (or) Why is my child such an antagonizer?… Why does my child want to question everything?…Why does my child despise math so much (when it’s so easy for me)?… When will my child pick up a book on his own?… Why can’t he/she be more brave about things?… Why is she always doodling and collecting sticks?…Will he/she ever stop talking?… Why is my child always the loudest one? (or) Why doesn’t my child talk to anyone else?

EEEEEEEEEEEEK! We could go on and on like this couldn’t we? And sometimes we do. But we shouldn’t! Use your observations in gathering wisdom for your OWN children. Then provide opportunities for them to develop and grow. Provide the basic building blocks… love, structure, non-criticism, encouragement, and being available in guiding them through all their ventures. Provide books, access to the outdoors, real-life situations, and the opportunity to let them discover answers in their own way. Teach them to teach themselves. Teach them to do hard work… to the finish. Teach them to take initiative, find answers, and be self-disciplined.

Don’t look around at others. Your child will read when she wants to read, learn how to lead/follow others wisely with your guidance, learn valuable social skills as you teach it, and excel academically/physically where they have a natural bent. Yes, you can put your own ideas on them and have them learn/do something they don’t seem to be pre-wired for, but God has purposefully planted their gifts in them… we are there to observe, cultivate, and strengthen them for Him. Be in prayer, ask for guidance, and then enjoy the journey with them. :-)

Enjoy the quiet days :-)

Feb20

So today it is rainy… and beautiful!

Actually, it was supposed to be our PE and Park Day with our homeschool group.  It starts after lunch, usually lasts several hours, and then everyone heads home tired and ready for the shower.

But… today it rained, so it was all cancelled.

I only schedule school for mornings on our PE days.  And there’s no way, due to a little rain that I’m going to add on an afternoon of unexpected subjects… neither the kids or I are in the mood for that!

So… we took advantage of a rare, free afternoon.  I know I could have used the time to catch up on homemaking tasks.  But I didn’t. :-)

First I baked.  Mmmmm…. A delicious concoction of banana, oats, chocolate chips, almonds… all swirled together with butter, oat flour, and flax… delish and healthy.  Practically breakfast-worthy in my book.

Banana Oat Chocolate Chip cookies

Then, here’s what our daughter and I did:

Rainy Day Fingernails

We glammed up the fingernails!  And instead of going for my usual middle-aged subtle dusty pink, I went for Rockstar Pink Glitter.  Too fun.  You can see me coming from  a mile away.

Our son, in the meantime, was granted extra computer time and is currently attempting to defeat Germany in Call of Duty.

So, take the time to enjoy the unexpected down-time, ladies.  They’re few-and-far-between and I’m learning to use them rather than dismiss them.  I can guarantee the kids won’t forget it!  The laundry can stay laid out on the bed a little longer.  And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just put on a pot of coffee, and me and my glittery self are going to go play a round of Wii Golf with the kiddos, to the sweet tune of falling rain and thunderclaps. :-)

My Continuing Education

Feb15

Whenever I hear the term, “Continuing Education”, it’s usually in reference to the college classes one can sign up for at the local community college. Like, Beginning Portuguese, Learn to Skype!, Scuba Exploration, or Rock Climbing for Starters. Although the idea of scaling a sharp cliff does seem to have some sort of weird attractiveness to it, and I’m sure I would learn something from it, I seem to be on my own path of ‘Continuing Education‘ sans the registration fees or need of a First Aid kit.

I’m hitting the big 3-9 at the end of this month. Which means the big 4-0 is next. But I’m very thankful to a friend who passed on a great philosophy of this milestone to me a few years ago. Her take on it was that she felt like she learned soooooo much in her 30′s, that she was actually excited about her 40′s. Wow… isn’t THAT refreshing? :-)

So, every time I go to the calendar to schedule an activity and see the day getting closer… I’m reminding myself embracing her mindset. After all, she’s right. Think of how much more you know with each passing year.

But it’s such a thin line between being regretful, and being thankful. There’s so many times I find myself saying, “If I could go back and do it all over again…“. (Like how I could just hit the ‘Reset’ button on our Atari when I didn’t like how my Space Invaders game was going.) But I have to stop thinking that way, and instead, be thankful for the wisdom gained from each experience. Maybe I can’t have a ‘re-do’, but I can still apply the learned concepts to other areas in my life. And, more than anything, I can pass on the new knowledge to our children. This is why we become mentors later in life. We think we know it all in our 20′s, right? Chuckle chuckle.

Actually, what I really get a chuckle out of is that so much of what we do as parents is like a ‘re-do’ in life. Things we thought we left far behind us rear back up again as if it grew a new head. Like, our son’s math problems are starting to look like “n = _____”, so now I’m re-facing algebra again. And some things, I just don’t remember at all. I don’t recall ever learning the word, ‘hectare‘ in my math classes before, do you?

Yes, life is sure different when seeing it a second time around, through the eyes of your children. But at least we have our own first run-through to guide us, whether it was successful or not. If we didn’t like how it went for us the first time around, we get to train and inspire our kids to go about these things differently this time. And for all the things we found pleasing, we can amp it up and improve it even more as we get another opportunity at the fun stuff.  And, lest I fail to mention, don’t miss how much we learn from our children.  They have such a way of simplifying, cutting to the chase, and seeing things for what they are.  Often, the life lessons stem from them.

Each day, week, and year are new. We have no idea what we will learn this year, do we? But it’s truly a continuing education. Enjoy it, embrace it, and use it. If not for yourself, then for those around you. Expand, be useful, and be available. :-)

It’s not about me anymore.

Jan7

It was one of those days. A day in which, for probably a couple hours straight, I went from family member to family member to family member, responding to their requests for help with something. Please know, this is not a writing of complaint (I’ve had a few days to purge that)… it was a day I was being reminded of the importance of my role. Must have needed the reminder.

Any mom/wife/parent can relate to this. I was trying to get some time to preview some literature books for when our homeschooling resumes after Christmas. But every time I went to pick up, “The Princess and the Goblin”, or “Around the World in 80 Days”, I heard, “Hey Mom, do I have any clean jeans?”, “Honey, can you open the garage door for me?”, “How do you play an eighth-note?”, “Are these cookies still good?”, “Does this have gluten in it?”, “Can you help me move the TV back into place?”, “We’re out of cheese”, “Can someone hand me a new soap?” (shower running),”My toast burned!”, “Can you help me carry this back to the garage?”, “Can you feed me?” (that was the dog.), “How do you pronounce this word?”, “Buzz” (that was the dryer), “Are we shopping soon because the fridge is empty.”, and then of course, “What’s for dinner?”

And I only have two kids (neither of which are toddlers), one husband, and one dog. Compared to many gals, my load is easy. But the feeling is universal. We are NEEDED… A LOT…and sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be enough of us to go around! But, as I said earlier, I’m not writing this as a complaint.

Being the center of the home is a blessing. It’s our place. It’s what we do. And the reward of a smiling, appreciative family is priceless. It’s not about us anymore, is it? If it were, we might selfishly find ways to have more time on our hands, but would ultimately have less joy in our hearts and our family’s heart. Our work in the home is eternally purposeful, filling, and lasting.

As a mother, you might find your old dreams have gone up on the shelf for a while. It’s ok. There will be a season in which you may be able to pursue them again. Or, like many of us, you may go to revisit your old dreams, only to find you aren’t interested in them anymore. Your priorities and perspectives have changed. You have developed a new ‘you’ because of your role. Parenthood, when embraced, brings about self-LESS-ness. And that’s a beautiful side-effect. I shudder when I think of how self-focused I would probably be right now had I not been on this path for the last 13 years.

So, when the next ‘interruption’ happens, don’t think of it as an interruption. (And I’ll try to do the same. :-) ) Think of it as the routine. Our routine. We are there for the needs of the family, however unexpected, unpredictable, and busy it might get. Your tea might be lukewarm by the time you get to drink it, after you finally figure out where you last left it in the house (ahem), but it will still taste good (and can always be reheated… more than once…) So, have a nice day, smile, and go enjoy your interruptions! ;-)

Let your husband drive.

May18

Anyone else noticing the slight de-masculinization of some of the hubbies out there?  Goes hand-in-hand with the ’manning-up’ taking place on our part.  What am I talking about, you ask?

Well, are you letting your husband be THE MAN?  I’m talking about a man in all of his great man-hood glory.  A hairy and scary, on the loud side, terrible-at-loading-the-dishwasher kind of man.  Trust me, you want him to be that way if you want him to be the ‘out-in-front’ shield for the family, like he’s programmed deep down inside to be.

And what does driving have to do with this, anyway?  Well, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how many more women out there are the ones driving the whole family around, instead of the husband?  And why in the world does this even warrant a blog entry?  Because it’s driving me crazy every time I see it!!

I’ll be honest… my husband was the first to point this out.  He even started nicknaming these gals “Danica”, named after Danica Patrick, the lone female Nascar driver.  Here’s my husband’s point… If you gals want your man to lead, then get out of the driver’s seat!  Nothing screams “I’m refusing to give up control!” more than the lady pulling into the church parking lot with her husband next to her in the passenger seat… probably holding her purse.

It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘your’ car (i.e. the minivan).  It will take you about 15 seconds to put the seat back into your own position the next time you drive it.  And even though it’s not a HEMI 4X4, your husband will still feel more of a man behind the wheel of that minivan, with his pretty wife next to him,  than he would sitting in the passenger seat, doing nothing more than handing the kids their graham crackers and searching the backseat for the baby’s chucked pacifier.

And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one feeling this way.  We happened to discuss this topic the other day with one of my brothers and his wife.  Interestingly enough, this exact issue became a pivotal point in their marriage.  When they were newlyweds, they took a trip back to her childhood hometown (he’d never been there before.)  The first morning of the visit, she hops into the driver’s seat of the rental car with plans to drive him around and show him all the points of interest.

Brother: ”Uh…What are you doing?”

Sis-in-law: “Showing you around!  Hop in!”

Brother: “Uh… I don’t think so.  Not gonna happen.”

Sis-in-law: ” What?  C’mon!  Let’s go!”

Apparently, it turned into quite a ‘discussion’.  I think my brother said he agreed to let her show him around for like, half-of-a-half of a morning, and then it transitioned into an “I’ll drive and you point” kind of tour.  However, my dear sis-in-law said it ended up completely setting the tone for their marriage.  She knew from that point on he would be faithful in the call to lead, like he was designed to do.

Look, if we want to feel safe and secure under our husband’s protection, then let him do his job.  Believe me, a man secured in his role makes a far better husband than one that’s always scrambling to please a commanding woman.