Tag Archive | marriage

Figure Out Your Husband

Dec10

Huh? What in the world does that mean? (And… is that even possible?) Well, I’m talking about what we must do as wives, in order to be faithful in what God has called us to do. Actually, in what He has created us to be. A helpmeet.

“…But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20, KJV

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:22, KJV

And Adam took one look at her and said, “Hooo, boy! Thank you, GOD!!” (Ok, I added that part, but can you just imagine Adam’s initial response to be anything different? :-) ) I’m guessing his work in the garden suddenly took on a whole new added motivation… a little more spring-in-his-step, I’d say.

So now Adam was to take on the role of husband, and Eve the role of wife. Each of them in callings that God designed specifically for each.

What do you think Eve’s tasks included in that beautiful garden home? Probably a little different from our modern-day suburban homes, but I’d also say there were many similarities as well. She was Adam’s wife, the same as we are to our husbands. And she had to figure out what he needed from her.

In all husbands, there are common threads that we wives are to be aware of. All men want to feel supported, encouraged, and ‘backed’. They appreciate and depend on our nurturing, fellowship, rejuvenation, and love. But it’s the how that we have to figure out. And that all depends on each guy.

Every man has his own rhythm, and only his wife will gain the true understanding into how he ticks. So we need to pay attention as wives. What motivates your husband? What speaks to him? And on the flip-side, what irritates or frustrates him? Does he have any clear personality traits that stand out to you?

There’s a whole spectrum of dispositions that the hubbies can be categorized into (as there are for wives as well.) So the key is trying to figure out his general qualities and character traits in order to figure out how to best meet his needs.  (And before going any farther, I want to reference the book, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  It is an excellent book on this subject and the source of the ‘manly categories’ as follows…)

Some men are extremely laid back, slow to move, and take their time in decision-making. You’ll probably need to be very patient as this man’s wife, as he probably won’t appreciate being pushed. He may not verbalize his needs as much, simply because he’s easy-going and adapts easily. This may put a little more guess-work on your plate. But at the same time, your steady-eddie will probably have a sense of quiet peace and be easy to please.  Be content with the calmness and simplicity.

Some are much more high-strung and intense. His helpmeet needs to be at-the-ready. He’s more apt to be spontaneous, driving, and have a ‘why isn’t this handled already?’ mentality. His intentions are not to be harsh… he’s just got the “get ‘er done” personality, which can be a plus. It’s easy to know what he wants because he’s very clear and to-the-point. If you’re a sensitive gal, your marital battles may stem from his lack of sugar-coating, coupled with your beating-around-the-bush. (Ahem.)   View his determined energy with appreciation, and provide support when he asks for it.  He will come to value and depend on your input, counsel, and encouragement.

And in the middle of that spectrum, your husband may fall in the adventuresome/creative category. Always has a new plan or idea, and sees changes that need to be made (that none of the rest of us see the need for.) He’ll want you to be his advocate and cheerleader, which can be a challenge since you’ll probably be holding your breath at the same time, wondering where this is going to take you. I doubt life will be very boring for you, and you may just be married to the next Henry Ford, Wright Brother, or Thomas Edison. Although he may have many failures along the way, hearing your “I believe in you” encouragement will help him find success. It will be wise of you to cover him in prayer… especially for the Lord to provide him with discernment in his decisions.

No matter where your husband falls in the spectrum, observe the small things that matter the most to him. Does he prefer a clean house or does he not even care? Maybe he’s just excited to get home, romp with the kids in the backyard, and throw some meat on the grill, not even noticing if the house is in disarray.

Does he prefer a home-cooked meal made from scratch, or does he get more enjoyment taking his pretty wife out to nice restaurants?

Does his job require him to have unpredictable hours, therefore needing flexibility from you? If so, work on your spontaneity and ability to make quick, easy meals. Don’t get angry at him because the meal that took you two hours to prepare is ruined because he was late. Learn to expect the unexpected so there is no resentment. If he is sinfully unbalanced in his work/family time, pray to the Lord for Him to guide your husband’s heart in being faithful in his priorities.

Above all, we need to keep in mind that we were created to be his suitable helper. Not his leader, boss, or conscience. If you are doubting that you are an unsuitable match for your husband, get rid of that thinking. If you are married to him, then you have a covenant with him and God.  God desires your marriage to succeed, and will bless your efforts. It’s not about making sure all your needs, fantasies, and demands are met. God asked you to be your husband’s helper and will equip you for the task.

And He has designed your husband to fall more in love with you when you are the wife he needs you to be.  If your husband is not being faithful in his God-given role of providing you protection and honor, your sincere behavior will speak volumes to him… especially if it’s undeserved on his part.

Pray to the Lord for His guidance and creativity in how to meet your husband’s needs. Then… be available!  You will see the impact your attention has on your husband, and he will develop a deep appreciation for his beautiful bride.

The Blessing of Prayer

Nov27

This is one area we can’t afford to ignore in our lives.  Over the years of my marriage and motherhood journey, I have come to learn just how much the Lord desires us to be in prayer with Him, and just how much of a gift prayer is.  God has given us the rights to talk to Him directly, anytime we want.  He has the ultimate  ‘open door’ policy for which I am so grateful!  He could have easily created us and said, “Best of luck… you’re on your own now.”  But He didn’t.  He wants that fellowship with us… He desires us to draw near to Him.

And He desires good things for us.  Even though He already knows what we need, He still wants to hear from us.  And, just as with our own children, He does not require that our words be perfect.  All He wants is for you to come to Him.  Regularly.  Not just in the hard times.

In fact, praying in advance for things is a very wise idea.  When you know you will be facing a difficult circumstance, ask for Him to prepare you.  When I am anticipating an event that I know will be difficult for my children to endure, I pray for the Lord to prepare them ahead of time and make their hearts ready.  There is no such thing as praying too early about something.  You can even be praying for your child’s adult years, including his/her future spouse, even if your child is only a newborn!

“Thy will be done…”
“Yes, this can be a hard one to ask.  For His will to be done, not ours.  But the wonderful thing we’re allowed to ask for along with this, is for Him to equip us for whatever His will is.  Although we always think we know what is best, God often has a differing opinion (according to His own reasons).  We can’t know His reasoning, and don’t always have the capacity to understand at the time, but, we can ask for His guidance to get us through what He has planned for us.  As the saying goes, God doesn’t call the equipped, He calls us and then equips us.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 7:8-12, NIV (emphasis mine)

Translation:  You can depend on our great God to meet your needs.  He wants to bless us, just as we enjoy blessing our children.  But be sure to come and ask!

Pray, and be sure to watch and pay attention to how He answers.  Many people keep a prayer journal for this purpose.  It is an easy way to be able to see how His hand has been on you and where He has led you.  It also serves as a wonderful prompt to give praises to Him, as you look back and see His blessings and guidance.

So where do we start?  What do we say?  If you weren’t raised with it, it may be an awkward or unsure area for you.  Here’s my theory… remember He is your Father, so talk to Him as if He’s sitting right there and you need to converse with Him about things.  He’s ready for us any time of day or night.

If you’ve never read them, I highly recommend the prayer books written by Stormie Omartian.  I have personally used Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Parent, and feel they have been extremely helpful in my prayer life.  She has written the books in an easy-to-use format in which she covers about 30 different key areas of life, and then provides an applicable prayer.  For example, in Power of a Praying Wife, some of the prayer topics covered (among many others) are:  Your husband’s work, fatherhood, reputation, purpose, temptations, and trials.  By doing one a day (or more, if you’d like), you know you are covering your husband in prayer in every area of his life, every month.  I really came to like this method, as many of the topics written about were ones that I wouldn’t have thought about on my own.  And the ones in Power of a Praying Parent are just as pertinent to your child’s well-being.

So don’t deny yourself the incredible gift of being able to pray directly to our wonderful God.  Be as specific as you want to be in your prayers (i.e. “Please help me find my missing keys!” (ahem.), or “Please help things go smoothly for my husband’s presentation at work today.”, “Please let your Spirit guide my words as I’m discussing my child’s disobedience with him/her.”, “Please make room in the doctor’s schedule to see our child today.”) .  Pray for your husband, children, parents, family, neighbors, government, teachers, friends, and adversaries (you might be amazed what He can do!).  And don’t forget to pray for yourself, either.  Prayer is amazingly powerful tool available with a simple, silent thought… what a blessing!

The Art of Listening

Oct22

Listening… kind of an acquired skill, don’t you think?  At least for me it has been (and still is).  In going through life and having various relationships, we all have probably experienced great listeners, and… not so great ones.  And we learn, the hard way, how hurtful it can be to others when we don’t listen as we should.

This is a skill so needed in our relationships.  There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re not heard when talking to a loved one. You know the feeling.  You’re in the middle of a heartfelt, vulnerable speech about something you’re struggling with, only to find your listener looking away, checking his/her phone, or asking an interrupting question you know doesn’t need asking had he/she been listening.  And on the flip-side, don’t we feel awful when we’re the ones caught being half-involved in the conversation, our distracted attention becoming more apparent by the second?

So, when it happens to you, you realize just how important it is to be a solid listener.  And when others are seeking advice from us, it is vital that we direct full attention to the conversation-at-hand, so as to give well-thought counsel.

Here’s a few characteristics I’ve come to appreciate in those who seemed to have mastered the art of listening:

They do not interrupt
They are patient
They hold their questions
They make eye contact
They are not focusing on their reply while the other person is talking
They do not turn every conversation around to be about them

Now, it wouldn’t be fair to address the listening side without addressing the talking side.  I think it can be summed up with this… Be a respectful talker! Ever had one of those friends that you want to run from when you see her coming… because she doesn’t stop talking!!!  About herself!!  Or whispering… about others.

So…if we’re hoping to have some good listening friends, let’s be sure we’re good talking friends:

No gossiping
No monologuing
No…sigh…woe is me…sigh…drudgery… all the time… sigh.
Be cheerful
Be encouraging
Talk about quality things (at least part of the time!)
Have balanced banter
Be sure to ask about the other person

In short, I think one of the most satisfying things in life is being able to have quality, fulfilling conversations with others. There are many times in which we need to seek counsel from others, and sometimes they need the same from us.  It is a gift to give someone a listening ear… even if they are not seeking feedback, they at least feel heard. :-)

Establish daily “Mom and Dad Chat Time”

Sep10

So… what is “Mom and Dad Chat Time”, you ask?  It’s the time of day where you get to talk to your husband… alone. :-)   Every day.  Yes, seriously.  And it doesn’t have to be when the kids are asleep. (Okay – if we’re dealing with mega-young kids, yes, you may have to wait until night-nights time.)  But beyond that, start setting up this time with your husband.  Every day.  Your kids WILL survive without you for 15 minutes!

Why is this necessary?  Because it allows each of you to talk about your day peacefully, without interruption.  It lets you have a chance to cultivate your marriage, even if only for a few minutes!  It tells your kids that, yes, we’re married to each other, and we are going to talk… alone and during daytime hours!!

For my husband and I, the best time for this is shortly after he gets home from work.  After he chit-chats with the kids and shares a pile of pistachios with them at the kitchen island, he and I head down the hall to our bedroom, and the kids know this is our time together.  My husband loves to know how things went for us during the day… How did school go?  Did anyone call?  Did we run errands?  Anything going on with the kids that he needs to know about?  And in return, he updates me on how everything is going with his work… Projects he has going on, upcoming deadlines, the latest office happenings, etc.  It also allows us time to discuss anything that doesn’t need to be overheard by the youngins.

The kids understand that it is our time, and they know they are not to interrupt (unless someone or something is on fire :-) ).  And in return, we don’t take advantage of this time and extend it too long.  After all, the kids are excited to see their dad, and we’re all looking to start our family evening time.  Plus I’m usually somewhere in the middle of making dinner, so often our time ends when my timer on the oven goes off telling me the noodles are done. :-)

And anytime we somehow start getting out of this routine for whatever reason, it really starts to show in a negative way.  It’s like we’re not centered as a couple when we don’t get that meeting time to make sure all is running smoothly, or that we’ve discussed any pressing issues.  Yes, we can and do have discussions later in the evening, but often, we’re tired by then, and it’s never as efficient as doing it during our normal time.

So, if you haven’t already, I encourage you to establish this time with your hubby.  It helps solidify you as a couple, and I believe it also strengthens you in your children’s eyes and gives them added security that Mom and Dad are handling things.  And it also helps them remember that you’re not just “Mommy”… you’re also Daddy’s lady, and he gets to have you all to himself sometimes. ;-)

Married to a MacGyver

Sep3

Well, if you’re under the age of about 35, you may have no idea who MacGyver is.  So I’ll explain.  MacGyver is actually Secret Agent MacGyver, the main character on the show… MacGyver (what else? :-) )  The show ran from 1985 – 1992, and was all about MacGyver constantly getting himself out of sticky situations by being very creative and resourceful with anything he might have on hand. Duct tape, safety pins, a ski pole, etc.  Made for some great 80′s entertainment!

Anyway, I’m convinced I married a MacGyver, and I’m thankful for it.  I’m sort of aiming this post at any of you gals who are approaching the marrying age… it’s something to think about when you’re pondering Mr. Right.  You see, the reason I’m thankful for this trait in my husband is because he’s always my go-to guy for anything broken around the house, on the car, in the yard, etc.  It will end up saving you some big money that you may otherwise have to pay a hired handyman.  This is hugely helpful when you find yourselves newlyweds and needing to be ultra-creative with those starting dollars.

Now, don’t get me wrong about this, readers, especially if you’re already married, and hubby doesn’t seem to have the tool skills.  That’s ok… every guy’s area of strength is different.   I just started thinking about this particular topic and thought I’d post an entry about it.

And actually, there can be a downside to Mr. MacGyver’s antics.  This lies in the fact that I tend to freak out every time I get within earshot of him when he’s ‘working’ on something.  This is because I overhear him talking to himself.  And it usually goes something like this:

“Shoot, I didn’t expect that bolt to snap off like that.”

“How come none of our windows seem to be standard size?”

“Aw, don’t tell me I need a specialized tool for this.”

“Oops I cut that too short.”

So, as I’m hurrying to get out of earshot again, all I’m thinking about is What will this cost?… What if they don’t sell that bolt?… How do you get a stripped screw out?    

I’ve just learned to stay inside and, usually, by the time he calls me out to see his ‘creation’, it’s totally complete and I’m always impressed.  It’s always fun to see what he comes up with.  And I know he despises it when he has to ever call in a professional, but thankfully he’s also wise enough to know when it’s beyond his expertise.

One of my favorite ‘on-the-cheap’ fixes he has come up with is what he calls his “15 Cent Fix” on our 2001 Toyota Sienna side mirrors.  These side mirrors seem to be an issue for this model of the Sienna as we’ve seen several of them around town  that have the side mirrors taped, rubber-banded, or on one car we saw, impressively saran-wrapped.  (They are attached to the car but do not stay ‘fixed’ in a perpendicular position.  Instead, they flop back-and-forth, pivoting around on their hinge.)  Well, after my ridiculous attempt at rubber-banding them in place, which held them steady for about one mile (or until I turned a corner), he got to work on them, with the great idea of wedging a nickel and a dime into the crevices of the ‘hinge’ area.  Voila! The 15 Cent Fix!   And it actually does only work with 15 cents.  When the dime fell out when I went through the car wash, I replaced it with a penny.  Didn’t work… no ridges for traction.  So I was told, “Has to be fifteen cents, Honey.”  Okay, got it, Dear. :-)

So if you have a hubby that likes to work with his hands, then enjoy it.  He just might surprise you with his ability, and you’ll find it a joy to walk through that homemade garden gate, or to put your things on the shelf he added to the closet, or to be able to open the hatch of the van with the handle he replaced on his own (after he first replaced the broken latch with a temporary cool ‘rope handle’ that he wove through the inside of the door), and then you can head to the raised garden he built and put your beach umbrella in any of the several upright PVC pipes he so thoughtfully placed around  it so you could have shade while you’re pulling weeds. :-)

So go for that MacGyver man… you’ll be a blessed and impressed!

A Crown To Her Husband

Aug15

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4, NIV

Here’s another translation:

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but she that maketh ashamed is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4, KJV

Sometimes we can completely underestimate this one, ladies.  The way we carry ourselves affects not only our reputation, but our husband’s as well.

So… how are we doing on this one?

Whether we are in our husband’s presence or out alone, he should be able to count on the fact that we are conducting ourselves in an honorable way.  We are keeping our language in check, our children in order, and speaking highly of our husband.  Have you ever heard a woman gossip about her own husband?  It’s embarrassing… you can tell right then and there that he’ll never meet her standards.  I can’t imagine the frustration he feels with all of her ‘correcting’ comments.  And the woman who does this digs her own grave… instead of seeing him growing stronger, more confident, and sturdy, he only appears weaker and more insecure as time goes by (like having decay in his bones).

When a man’s family and home are well-run (complete with a capable, classy wife) it’s an admirable thing that commands respect from others.  Ladies, we are key to this.  We are the day-to-day managers of many of his affairs.  He needs to know, with confidence, that not only are we not undoing all he is striving for, but we are supporting, contributing to, and encouraging all his efforts.  He can leave for work knowing we’ve got things handled.  This brings us to another Bible verse:

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1, NIV

When our husbands see others observing us, there should be a feeling of pride… never shame.  If we’re going out with others, our husbands should never have to ‘remind’ us to wear something ladylike, or be aware of how many drinks we’ve had.  Or not to be a gossip, perpetual complainer, or uncomfortably confrontational.

Whether we like it or not, we often are the representative image of the marriage.  People WILL make judgement calls about our husbands based on us… the wives.  Which gives us the honorable role of influencing others’ opinions about our husbands for the better.

Some of you may be thinking that your husband is undeserving of this respect, and you might be right.  However, through your diligent and QUIET faithfulness to your husband, you can influence your husband’s heart and prompt him to change his ways.  Be obedient to the Lord in this task, pray heavily, and give God time to work in your husband’s heart.  God will reveal a man’s errors in His own way, which will be a hundred times better than our nagging voice, or our “subtle” ways of letting him know how much we disapprove.

In addition to that, a husband can’t help but fall farther in love with a wife who supports and encourages her man.  Our husbands are required to love us (Colossians 3:19), but it sure makes it easier for them when we are their admiring advocate!  So even if you truly have more frustrations for your husband, rather than praises at the moment, take a first step and start finding ways to encourage him.  Find something to thank him for or compliment him on.  Brag about him to others!  Fix breakfast for him, or leave him a note in his car. The more you do this, the more natural it becomes.  And your husband will LOVE it, which means he will find more ways to please you.  See the beautiful win-win cycle taking place?  So much better than bitterness and shame.

So be that loving, classy lady for your husband… especially in front of others.  You always want to keep your husband’s pride intact by remembering just how much you influence and contribute to his strength.  It will gain him more respect in others’ eyes, and he will CHERISH you!

The Loudmouth vs. The Sweetheart

Jul30

On a recent vacation, we took a scenic two-hour train ride on a historic train through the countryside.  It was beautiful, and we really enjoyed it.  But I ended up noticing a huge contrast during the ride, though, and thought I’d share it.  It has to do with two lady passengers on the train… one sitting in front of us, whom I will call Beautiful Betty, and the other sitting behind us… we’ll call her Raspy Rita.

Beautiful Betty and her husband were the sweetest little couple you ever did see.  They were in their 80′s, and clearly so in love with each other.  In fact, we started noticing them as they were telling ‘their story’ to the couple sitting in front of them.  They’ve actually only been married a few years and met at a funeral they both happened to attend.  Then a few weeks after that,  he called her and she happened to be listening to a baseball game on the radio.  So he tuned his radio to the same game and they just sat there on the phone with each other while they both listened to the game.  And they would just keep doing this, until they finally decided to kick it up a notch, and eventually finally decided to marry, even at their sweet golden ages.  Sigh!!

Now, during the course of the train ride, the club car host stops by and visits with each row of passengers.  And the host and the husband in our sweet little couple started talking about how old each other was.  Turns out our guy was 84.  And right after he said his age, Beautiful Betty chimed in and said, “And he still gets out and plays tennis three times a week!”  Then the two men continued talking and she again piped up with, “And he’s the sweetest man you would ever want to know!”  all while looking adoringly at her hubby.

And to top it off, a fiddler comes through and plays beautiful music for everyone.  And at one point, he walks up and down the aisle playing sweet, romantic music, and pauses next to the seat of each couple until they smooch, and then he moves on to the next couple.  Well, I am telling you, Golden Couple’s kiss was probably the longest one out of all the couples on that train!  Too sweet.

NOW, on to Raspy Rita.  (And before I go any further, please know that Raspy Rita really was a nice gal.  Very friendly.  And I’m not writing this with the intent on picking on her personally.  Strictly illustrative purposes going on here.)   ANYWAY, I just couldn’t help noticing her, especially with the contrast going on between her and Beautiful Betty.  You see, Raspy Rita, although very nice, had the big, blaring voice that carried all through the train car.  Because she talked all the time.  To everyone.  No matter how far away their seat was located from her.  And sometimes she would even give out advice to whoever was walking by… Did anyone else know that you can apparently put whiskey on a teething baby’s gums?  Me neither.

She started the trip seated in the middle of the train car, but, after she and her guy made a quick visit to the snack car and returned with their Budweiser bottles, they decided to switch seats and sat in the back of the train car, right behind us.  I was suddenly reverted back to the high school memory of the ‘party in the back of the bus’ scene, where all the cool kids sat.

But even with the new rear seating they had, as something would happen elsewhere on the train, or the host would make a joke over the loudspeaker, Raspy Rita was faithful in loudly shouting all her responses so we could all share in her humor.  Then, after the beers took effect, Raspy Rita and her guy got a little more, uh, cozy.  A little smoochy, Budweiser-style (definitely no fiddler needed to prompt anything here).  I didn’t even have to have a visual to know what was going on.

So, there we sat for the rest of the train ride… between the two contrasting ladies.  One, a pure lady from head to toe.  The other… not so much.  Beautiful Betty has such a sweetness to her, you wanted to invite her and her blessed husband over for dinner, just to sit there and watch how cute they are!  She was so encouraging to her husband and just such a pleasure to be around.

And had we only been around Dear Rita for a little while, it wouldn’t have been so bothersome…probably even enjoyable!  But being enclosed in a train car for two hours with this ‘jubilance’ tends to grate on one’s nerves.  It’s kind of like when you’re enjoying a nice dinner out and then ‘The Loudtalker’ gets seated at the table next to you.  After five minutes you’re ready to move.

If you’ve read a few of my other posts, you’ve seen that I’m always encouraging women to be joyful… it’s what brings out our beauty.  However, there is a difference in being joyful and being just plain obnoxious in this pursuit.

So, again gals, let’s always try to retain our classiness.  Opt for being a Beautiful Betty…you have no idea how much everyone will appreciate it. :-)

P.S.  Tooootally unrelated topic… I just updated my ‘About’ page, so feel free to check it out if you’d like.  I included a few random and useless facts about myself… always good if you’re looking to kill some time.  Enjoy!

Let your husband drive.

May18

Anyone else noticing the slight de-masculinization of some of the hubbies out there?  Goes hand-in-hand with the ’manning-up’ taking place on our part.  What am I talking about, you ask?

Well, are you letting your husband be THE MAN?  I’m talking about a man in all of his great man-hood glory.  A hairy and scary, on the loud side, terrible-at-loading-the-dishwasher kind of man.  Trust me, you want him to be that way if you want him to be the ‘out-in-front’ shield for the family, like he’s programmed deep down inside to be.

And what does driving have to do with this, anyway?  Well, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how many more women out there are the ones driving the whole family around, instead of the husband?  And why in the world does this even warrant a blog entry?  Because it’s driving me crazy every time I see it!!

I’ll be honest… my husband was the first to point this out.  He even started nicknaming these gals “Danica”, named after Danica Patrick, the lone female Nascar driver.  Here’s my husband’s point… If you gals want your man to lead, then get out of the driver’s seat!  Nothing screams “I’m refusing to give up control!” more than the lady pulling into the church parking lot with her husband next to her in the passenger seat… probably holding her purse.

It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘your’ car (i.e. the minivan).  It will take you about 15 seconds to put the seat back into your own position the next time you drive it.  And even though it’s not a HEMI 4X4, your husband will still feel more of a man behind the wheel of that minivan, with his pretty wife next to him,  than he would sitting in the passenger seat, doing nothing more than handing the kids their graham crackers and searching the backseat for the baby’s chucked pacifier.

And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one feeling this way.  We happened to discuss this topic the other day with one of my brothers and his wife.  Interestingly enough, this exact issue became a pivotal point in their marriage.  When they were newlyweds, they took a trip back to her childhood hometown (he’d never been there before.)  The first morning of the visit, she hops into the driver’s seat of the rental car with plans to drive him around and show him all the points of interest.

Brother: ”Uh…What are you doing?”

Sis-in-law: “Showing you around!  Hop in!”

Brother: “Uh… I don’t think so.  Not gonna happen.”

Sis-in-law: ” What?  C’mon!  Let’s go!”

Apparently, it turned into quite a ‘discussion’.  I think my brother said he agreed to let her show him around for like, half-of-a-half of a morning, and then it transitioned into an “I’ll drive and you point” kind of tour.  However, my dear sis-in-law said it ended up completely setting the tone for their marriage.  She knew from that point on he would be faithful in the call to lead, like he was designed to do.

Look, if we want to feel safe and secure under our husband’s protection, then let him do his job.  Believe me, a man secured in his role makes a far better husband than one that’s always scrambling to please a commanding woman.