Tag Archive | Christianity

Figure Out Your Husband

Dec10

Huh? What in the world does that mean? (And… is that even possible?) Well, I’m talking about what we must do as wives, in order to be faithful in what God has called us to do. Actually, in what He has created us to be. A helpmeet.

“…But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20, KJV

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:22, KJV

And Adam took one look at her and said, “Hooo, boy! Thank you, GOD!!” (Ok, I added that part, but can you just imagine Adam’s initial response to be anything different? :-) ) I’m guessing his work in the garden suddenly took on a whole new added motivation… a little more spring-in-his-step, I’d say.

So now Adam was to take on the role of husband, and Eve the role of wife. Each of them in callings that God designed specifically for each.

What do you think Eve’s tasks included in that beautiful garden home? Probably a little different from our modern-day suburban homes, but I’d also say there were many similarities as well. She was Adam’s wife, the same as we are to our husbands. And she had to figure out what he needed from her.

In all husbands, there are common threads that we wives are to be aware of. All men want to feel supported, encouraged, and ‘backed’. They appreciate and depend on our nurturing, fellowship, rejuvenation, and love. But it’s the how that we have to figure out. And that all depends on each guy.

Every man has his own rhythm, and only his wife will gain the true understanding into how he ticks. So we need to pay attention as wives. What motivates your husband? What speaks to him? And on the flip-side, what irritates or frustrates him? Does he have any clear personality traits that stand out to you?

There’s a whole spectrum of dispositions that the hubbies can be categorized into (as there are for wives as well.) So the key is trying to figure out his general qualities and character traits in order to figure out how to best meet his needs.  (And before going any farther, I want to reference the book, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  It is an excellent book on this subject and the source of the ‘manly categories’ as follows…)

Some men are extremely laid back, slow to move, and take their time in decision-making. You’ll probably need to be very patient as this man’s wife, as he probably won’t appreciate being pushed. He may not verbalize his needs as much, simply because he’s easy-going and adapts easily. This may put a little more guess-work on your plate. But at the same time, your steady-eddie will probably have a sense of quiet peace and be easy to please.  Be content with the calmness and simplicity.

Some are much more high-strung and intense. His helpmeet needs to be at-the-ready. He’s more apt to be spontaneous, driving, and have a ‘why isn’t this handled already?’ mentality. His intentions are not to be harsh… he’s just got the “get ‘er done” personality, which can be a plus. It’s easy to know what he wants because he’s very clear and to-the-point. If you’re a sensitive gal, your marital battles may stem from his lack of sugar-coating, coupled with your beating-around-the-bush. (Ahem.)   View his determined energy with appreciation, and provide support when he asks for it.  He will come to value and depend on your input, counsel, and encouragement.

And in the middle of that spectrum, your husband may fall in the adventuresome/creative category. Always has a new plan or idea, and sees changes that need to be made (that none of the rest of us see the need for.) He’ll want you to be his advocate and cheerleader, which can be a challenge since you’ll probably be holding your breath at the same time, wondering where this is going to take you. I doubt life will be very boring for you, and you may just be married to the next Henry Ford, Wright Brother, or Thomas Edison. Although he may have many failures along the way, hearing your “I believe in you” encouragement will help him find success. It will be wise of you to cover him in prayer… especially for the Lord to provide him with discernment in his decisions.

No matter where your husband falls in the spectrum, observe the small things that matter the most to him. Does he prefer a clean house or does he not even care? Maybe he’s just excited to get home, romp with the kids in the backyard, and throw some meat on the grill, not even noticing if the house is in disarray.

Does he prefer a home-cooked meal made from scratch, or does he get more enjoyment taking his pretty wife out to nice restaurants?

Does his job require him to have unpredictable hours, therefore needing flexibility from you? If so, work on your spontaneity and ability to make quick, easy meals. Don’t get angry at him because the meal that took you two hours to prepare is ruined because he was late. Learn to expect the unexpected so there is no resentment. If he is sinfully unbalanced in his work/family time, pray to the Lord for Him to guide your husband’s heart in being faithful in his priorities.

Above all, we need to keep in mind that we were created to be his suitable helper. Not his leader, boss, or conscience. If you are doubting that you are an unsuitable match for your husband, get rid of that thinking. If you are married to him, then you have a covenant with him and God.  God desires your marriage to succeed, and will bless your efforts. It’s not about making sure all your needs, fantasies, and demands are met. God asked you to be your husband’s helper and will equip you for the task.

And He has designed your husband to fall more in love with you when you are the wife he needs you to be.  If your husband is not being faithful in his God-given role of providing you protection and honor, your sincere behavior will speak volumes to him… especially if it’s undeserved on his part.

Pray to the Lord for His guidance and creativity in how to meet your husband’s needs. Then… be available!  You will see the impact your attention has on your husband, and he will develop a deep appreciation for his beautiful bride.

Raising gentlemen

Jun25

If you’ve ever taken a look at the ‘What is Timeless, Ladylike Beauty?’ page on this blog (just a few inches above where you’re reading right now), you see a very picturesque portrait of two gentleman helping a pretty lady out of a carriage.  Go ahead… take a look.  Sigh!  I love that picture.  It’s actually a close-up of a real picture that I got at an antique shop and now hangs in our guest bathroom.  Why am I so drawn to it?

I know I might have a bit of a romantic spirit, but even beyond that, it’s this type of image that brings us back to the days where ladies were ladies, and men were… gentlemen.  Now, picture how things are today.  Quite a change, huh?  What the heck happened in between?

I know there’s a ton of huge differences between those days and now, but the one I want to talk about is what has happened in the area of chivalry.  Actually, technically speaking, chivalry, has to do with the ye olde knighthood days – horses, men-at-arms, etc.  But the more modern association with that term has to do with men that are gallant and distinguished.  Those terms still stretching a little far?  How about nobility, integrity, and courtesy? Being honorable… considerate.  These are the words I’m grasping for here.

Now, the whole theme of LadylikeIdeas is addressing part of the problem… The fact that we gals need to be ladylike in the first place, right?  I mean what guy wants to attempt showing honor to an elbowing, crass, headstrong woman, only to be made to feel redundant, unneeded, and a hindrance?  Might as well try to step in front of a moving train.

But, I must say, there are still many valiant and gracious men out there that are considerate to us ladies, even when it’s undeserved.  Because they were raised that way.  They do it because they are gentlemen, regardless as to whether or not the woman has become confused about the fact that she is, in fact, of the softer sex.

And another thing, (before I get to the ‘raising’ part), why in the WORLD would we ladies ever want to lose these niceties?  Having a man always looking out for your best interest, like your daddy did, is an enormous blessing.  Don’t ruin it!  At least not for the rest of us!  Yes, you can still be intelligent, have your own mind, and all that other stuff.  But let yourself be taken care of like a lady.  (A lady – not a spoiled, self-absorbed “yes-your-majesty” princess. Ick.)  It is an innate part of the men to take care of us… they enjoy it!  But please be sure to show your appreciation gals… no one wants to be a doormat.

So, how do we raise our boys to be this way?  Well, the main thing, is that it must be modeled for them.  Kind of hard to pick up on this in today’s world, though, isn’t it?  So the modeling comes down to you, dads.  (And grandfathers, uncles, etc.)  Now sometimes the dad isn’t available or present though.  So, in that case mom, you’ll be teaching this one.  But it’s not that hard, honestly.  Showing our boys even a few basics makes all the difference.  And they can start this behavior at home on moms, sisters, grandmas, etc.  They will be fantastic husbands because by then it will be second-nature!

Here’s a short list of gentlemanly acts-of-kindness to teach our boys, and I’m sure many of you out there have great ideas as well.  Feel free to share them, please!

  • Open the car door for the lady passenger(s), keeping it open until she’s settled, then close it behind her.  If you’d like, you can also walk around and open it for her after you’ve reached your destination.
  • Hold open any doors as you’re entering into a building/restaurant, etc.  Keep standing there if more people follow through after your gal… the line of people won’t last forever, and most people will be touched. (And impressed if the door-holding-gentleman is one ’in training’!)
  • Offer your chair to a standing lady in a waiting area if all the seating has been taken.  This is especially true for pregnant or elderly women.
  • Hold back the elevator doors while the ladies board.  Do the same when everyone is getting off the elevator as well.

And as your son is getting a little older, he can try some of the following ideas:

  • Ask if you can lend a helping hand to a gal that may be struggling with a heavy load.  She might refuse it, which is ok.  You also have to keep in mind that she wants to feel safe, and she doesn’t know you from the next guy in the parking lot.
  • Use clean language when around the women folk.  I know this might seem old-fashioned, but it still bothers my spirit when a man curses around me. (And it’s twice as bad when there are children present.)
  • Kindly help your date by assisting her with her coat. (Younger boys can practice this on their sisters.)
  • Pull out your date’s chair for her when you are being seated at a restaurant.  Don’t sit down until she’s settled.

These are just a few ideas, but the point is that it starts our boys in their ‘protective’ thinking, and makes them start to realize and feel their role.  I’m so thankful to all you men out there that have maintained this type of kindness.  Believe me, it doesn’t go unnoticed.  And for all of us that are raising the next generation…help the young men become gentlemen.  They will make fine husbands, and the world will appreciate them.

Fresh flowers – love ‘em.

May26

Such an easy way to beautify your home.  These actually came from my neighbor last week, who had just clipped them from her yard.  My sweet, adorable probably-80-something-year-old neighbor.  To quote Gloria the hippo from Madagascar, whenever we see her or her dear husband, we just want to “dunk them in our coffee”.   She rang our doorbell at about 9:00 last Monday morning and was holding this beautiful bunch of gardenias in her hand for me.   Sort of an extension of Mother’s Day, I think.  Mmmmm… can you smell them?  They have made our kitchen so fragrant!

Then, to top it all off,  at the end of last week I got these (below) sent to our house by a very dear friend.  Her card said she just wanted to send some sunshine my way!  I mean, how thoughtful is that?! :-)

Ever since the flowers started arriving last week I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling every time I’m in our kitchen.  The kind acts by these two ladies just brightens my day every time I look at those flowers.  It was a simple act on their part, but it radiated into so much more.  And who can turn down the feeling you get when your husband hops out of his car as he arrives home from work, and hands you a beautiful arrangement, ‘just because’?  I love that!!

I adore having fresh flowers in the home.  As I mentioned in my ‘Simplify’ post, we recently moved.  This is what started me on the flowers thing.  When your house is being shown on the market, adding a beautiful bouquet to your coffee table or kitchen is an instant way of bringing fresh fragrance and loveliness to everyone who walks through your front door.

So when we moved into our new home, I kept buying flowers!  I don’t do it every week, but I try to do it somewhat regularly, as I feel like it just adds that final touch of warmth to our home.  And it’s rather easy to find them at affordable prices.  Mine always come from Trader Joe’s, where you can get a very nice arrangement for around five dollars.  (I’m sure I’ll be doing an entire post on Trader Joe’s at some point… just a head’s up.)  You can also find great prices at farmer’s markets, or, do what my neighbor did and simply clip them from your own yard. (You can’t beat free, right?!)

And be sure to get the most out of them.  As they start to wilt, I pull out the ones that have really had it, and keep the ones still hanging on.  Sometimes I have to downsize the vase or jar in the process, or move them to a smaller ‘display area’. Instead of front-and-center on the kitchen island, they might get moved to a window sill if all I have left is a few sprigs in a jelly jar.  But they’re still pretty to look at, no matter how small!

Another time to use flowers is to bring some to the hostess of any home gatherings you might be going to.  (Like a large family party, reunion, or holiday celebration.)  Even though everyone might be helping out and bringing a dish or dessert, the hostess will still put in more work than everyone else in opening up her home.  So bring her a little bundle of flowers when you arrive!  And, if she can point you to the right cupboard, even offer to handle putting the flowers in a vase, jar, or even a tall glass so as not to overwhelm her with more work as soon as everyone is arriving.  Then after the party has died down, and she’s cleaning up all those red solo cups, she can look at her new pretty bouquet and smile. :-)