Huh? What in the world does that mean? (And… is that even possible?) Well, I’m talking about what we must do as wives, in order to be faithful in what God has called us to do. Actually, in what He has created us to be. A helpmeet.
“…But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20, KJV
“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:22, KJV
And Adam took one look at her and said, “Hooo, boy! Thank you, GOD!!” (Ok, I added that part, but can you just imagine Adam’s initial response to be anything different? ) I’m guessing his work in the garden suddenly took on a whole new added motivation… a little more spring-in-his-step, I’d say.
So now Adam was to take on the role of husband, and Eve the role of wife. Each of them in callings that God designed specifically for each.
What do you think Eve’s tasks included in that beautiful garden home? Probably a little different from our modern-day suburban homes, but I’d also say there were many similarities as well. She was Adam’s wife, the same as we are to our husbands. And she had to figure out what he needed from her.
In all husbands, there are common threads that we wives are to be aware of. All men want to feel supported, encouraged, and ‘backed’. They appreciate and depend on our nurturing, fellowship, rejuvenation, and love. But it’s the how that we have to figure out. And that all depends on each guy.
Every man has his own rhythm, and only his wife will gain the true understanding into how he ticks. So we need to pay attention as wives. What motivates your husband? What speaks to him? And on the flip-side, what irritates or frustrates him? Does he have any clear personality traits that stand out to you?
There’s a whole spectrum of dispositions that the hubbies can be categorized into (as there are for wives as well.) So the key is trying to figure out his general qualities and character traits in order to figure out how to best meet his needs. (And before going any farther, I want to reference the book, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. It is an excellent book on this subject and the source of the ‘manly categories’ as follows…)
Some men are extremely laid back, slow to move, and take their time in decision-making. You’ll probably need to be very patient as this man’s wife, as he probably won’t appreciate being pushed. He may not verbalize his needs as much, simply because he’s easy-going and adapts easily. This may put a little more guess-work on your plate. But at the same time, your steady-eddie will probably have a sense of quiet peace and be easy to please. Be content with the calmness and simplicity.
Some are much more high-strung and intense. His helpmeet needs to be at-the-ready. He’s more apt to be spontaneous, driving, and have a ‘why isn’t this handled already?’ mentality. His intentions are not to be harsh… he’s just got the “get ‘er done” personality, which can be a plus. It’s easy to know what he wants because he’s very clear and to-the-point. If you’re a sensitive gal, your marital battles may stem from his lack of sugar-coating, coupled with your beating-around-the-bush. (Ahem.) View his determined energy with appreciation, and provide support when he asks for it. He will come to value and depend on your input, counsel, and encouragement.
And in the middle of that spectrum, your husband may fall in the adventuresome/creative category. Always has a new plan or idea, and sees changes that need to be made (that none of the rest of us see the need for.) He’ll want you to be his advocate and cheerleader, which can be a challenge since you’ll probably be holding your breath at the same time, wondering where this is going to take you. I doubt life will be very boring for you, and you may just be married to the next Henry Ford, Wright Brother, or Thomas Edison. Although he may have many failures along the way, hearing your “I believe in you” encouragement will help him find success. It will be wise of you to cover him in prayer… especially for the Lord to provide him with discernment in his decisions.
No matter where your husband falls in the spectrum, observe the small things that matter the most to him. Does he prefer a clean house or does he not even care? Maybe he’s just excited to get home, romp with the kids in the backyard, and throw some meat on the grill, not even noticing if the house is in disarray.
Does he prefer a home-cooked meal made from scratch, or does he get more enjoyment taking his pretty wife out to nice restaurants?
Does his job require him to have unpredictable hours, therefore needing flexibility from you? If so, work on your spontaneity and ability to make quick, easy meals. Don’t get angry at him because the meal that took you two hours to prepare is ruined because he was late. Learn to expect the unexpected so there is no resentment. If he is sinfully unbalanced in his work/family time, pray to the Lord for Him to guide your husband’s heart in being faithful in his priorities.
Above all, we need to keep in mind that we were created to be his suitable helper. Not his leader, boss, or conscience. If you are doubting that you are an unsuitable match for your husband, get rid of that thinking. If you are married to him, then you have a covenant with him and God. God desires your marriage to succeed, and will bless your efforts. It’s not about making sure all your needs, fantasies, and demands are met. God asked you to be your husband’s helper and will equip you for the task.
And He has designed your husband to fall more in love with you when you are the wife he needs you to be. If your husband is not being faithful in his God-given role of providing you protection and honor, your sincere behavior will speak volumes to him… especially if it’s undeserved on his part.
Pray to the Lord for His guidance and creativity in how to meet your husband’s needs. Then… be available! You will see the impact your attention has on your husband, and he will develop a deep appreciation for his beautiful bride.