Remember… Your Children Belong to Him

Apr29

I was reminded of this fact several weeks ago after my alarm had gone off. I was sitting up in bed trying to clear the cobwebs and started thinking about Easter, which was only a few days away. (I know we’re way past Easter now… but my writing opportunities have been very sparse lately!) Anyway, for some reason, I started thinking about Mary. The Mary. How heavy her heart must have felt at this time. Did she even want to get out of bed with each passing day, or did she jump out of bed in hopes to hear more news in her circle regarding what was happening with her beloved boy? Did she know where He was? Did she want to run to find Him and protect Him?

She knew from the moment she started carrying Him that her son had this purpose. But even though Gabriel had given her the low-down over 30 years before, she didn’t know exactly how it was all going to play out. I can’t imagine her motherly feelings as she watched it unfold.

In no way can we possibly compare our situation to Mary’s, the mother of our Savior, but we do have one thing in common… we are parents of children that belong to Him. They are here according to His plans, His timing, and His purpose.

I have to remind myself of this often. God has blessed us with our sweet children… but we have them only for a season. Out of all the people in this world, He chose each one of us to be the parents to our particular children… to pour into them what He needs them to be equipped with… for His purposes.

I don’t know what His plans are for our children. But I pray often for His guidance in helping us prep them for what He has in store. They each have their own unique beat, with their own affinities, aversions, and gifts. Sometimes I can easily see myself in them, and other times I’m left standing there scratching my head as to their latest antics.

Parenting is such a white-knuckle ride sometimes, isn’t it? Just when we think we’ve got something handled, a new crossroad pops up. The scenery changes and things get unpredictable again. We have to make decisions, sometimes on-the-fly. Then we agonize over things, stay awake at night, shed tears, question ourselves, question our kids, question our Lord, change our mind… ugh!!!!!!

That just means we’re good parents. :-) We do this because we care. Deep down inside we want to know our children are well. And more than anything, are they safe? For Christ-centered families, that means that we want to see our children walking with the Lord. That’s EVERYTHING. Nothing else matters if our children’s souls reject the Holy Spirit. Their six-figure salary, global traveling, worldly success means nothing. What really matters is… do they know the Lord? Are their names written in the Lamb’s Book of Life? And, are they of use to Him and reflecting Him?

And in the process of raising our children in the light, we are preparing them for what He might have them do. Be in prayer about what He needs us to prep them for. Take note of their basic personality traits and gifts. What comes easy to them? What are they drawn towards? Sometimes I think you can see these things in their purest form when they are young, before they change due to social pressure… or our own (well-intentioned, mind you) influence.

And this is where comparison and questioning can be our enemy. It’s so easy to look around at other families and then wonder about your own… Shouldn’t my child know her times table by now?… Wow, their 14 year-old already has his own business… Their 10 year-old is playing four instruments and speaks Japanese… Why can’t my child even wear matching clothes for once?… Why is my child such a follower? (or) Why is my child such an antagonizer?… Why does my child want to question everything?…Why does my child despise math so much (when it’s so easy for me)?… When will my child pick up a book on his own?… Why can’t he/she be more brave about things?… Why is she always doodling and collecting sticks?…Will he/she ever stop talking?… Why is my child always the loudest one? (or) Why doesn’t my child talk to anyone else?

EEEEEEEEEEEEK! We could go on and on like this couldn’t we? And sometimes we do. But we shouldn’t! Use your observations in gathering wisdom for your OWN children. Then provide opportunities for them to develop and grow. Provide the basic building blocks… love, structure, non-criticism, encouragement, and being available in guiding them through all their ventures. Provide books, access to the outdoors, real-life situations, and the opportunity to let them discover answers in their own way. Teach them to teach themselves. Teach them to do hard work… to the finish. Teach them to take initiative, find answers, and be self-disciplined.

Don’t look around at others. Your child will read when she wants to read, learn how to lead/follow others wisely with your guidance, learn valuable social skills as you teach it, and excel academically/physically where they have a natural bent. Yes, you can put your own ideas on them and have them learn/do something they don’t seem to be pre-wired for, but God has purposefully planted their gifts in them… we are there to observe, cultivate, and strengthen them for Him. Be in prayer, ask for guidance, and then enjoy the journey with them. :-)

Enjoy the quiet days :-)

Feb20

So today it is rainy… and beautiful!

Actually, it was supposed to be our PE and Park Day with our homeschool group.  It starts after lunch, usually lasts several hours, and then everyone heads home tired and ready for the shower.

But… today it rained, so it was all cancelled.

I only schedule school for mornings on our PE days.  And there’s no way, due to a little rain that I’m going to add on an afternoon of unexpected subjects… neither the kids or I are in the mood for that!

So… we took advantage of a rare, free afternoon.  I know I could have used the time to catch up on homemaking tasks.  But I didn’t. :-)

First I baked.  Mmmmm…. A delicious concoction of banana, oats, chocolate chips, almonds… all swirled together with butter, oat flour, and flax… delish and healthy.  Practically breakfast-worthy in my book.

Banana Oat Chocolate Chip cookies

Then, here’s what our daughter and I did:

Rainy Day Fingernails

We glammed up the fingernails!  And instead of going for my usual middle-aged subtle dusty pink, I went for Rockstar Pink Glitter.  Too fun.  You can see me coming from  a mile away.

Our son, in the meantime, was granted extra computer time and is currently attempting to defeat Germany in Call of Duty.

So, take the time to enjoy the unexpected down-time, ladies.  They’re few-and-far-between and I’m learning to use them rather than dismiss them.  I can guarantee the kids won’t forget it!  The laundry can stay laid out on the bed a little longer.  And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just put on a pot of coffee, and me and my glittery self are going to go play a round of Wii Golf with the kiddos, to the sweet tune of falling rain and thunderclaps. :-)

My Continuing Education

Feb15

Whenever I hear the term, “Continuing Education”, it’s usually in reference to the college classes one can sign up for at the local community college. Like, Beginning Portuguese, Learn to Skype!, Scuba Exploration, or Rock Climbing for Starters. Although the idea of scaling a sharp cliff does seem to have some sort of weird attractiveness to it, and I’m sure I would learn something from it, I seem to be on my own path of ‘Continuing Education‘ sans the registration fees or need of a First Aid kit.

I’m hitting the big 3-9 at the end of this month. Which means the big 4-0 is next. But I’m very thankful to a friend who passed on a great philosophy of this milestone to me a few years ago. Her take on it was that she felt like she learned soooooo much in her 30′s, that she was actually excited about her 40′s. Wow… isn’t THAT refreshing? :-)

So, every time I go to the calendar to schedule an activity and see the day getting closer… I’m reminding myself embracing her mindset. After all, she’s right. Think of how much more you know with each passing year.

But it’s such a thin line between being regretful, and being thankful. There’s so many times I find myself saying, “If I could go back and do it all over again…“. (Like how I could just hit the ‘Reset’ button on our Atari when I didn’t like how my Space Invaders game was going.) But I have to stop thinking that way, and instead, be thankful for the wisdom gained from each experience. Maybe I can’t have a ‘re-do’, but I can still apply the learned concepts to other areas in my life. And, more than anything, I can pass on the new knowledge to our children. This is why we become mentors later in life. We think we know it all in our 20′s, right? Chuckle chuckle.

Actually, what I really get a chuckle out of is that so much of what we do as parents is like a ‘re-do’ in life. Things we thought we left far behind us rear back up again as if it grew a new head. Like, our son’s math problems are starting to look like “n = _____”, so now I’m re-facing algebra again. And some things, I just don’t remember at all. I don’t recall ever learning the word, ‘hectare‘ in my math classes before, do you?

Yes, life is sure different when seeing it a second time around, through the eyes of your children. But at least we have our own first run-through to guide us, whether it was successful or not. If we didn’t like how it went for us the first time around, we get to train and inspire our kids to go about these things differently this time. And for all the things we found pleasing, we can amp it up and improve it even more as we get another opportunity at the fun stuff.  And, lest I fail to mention, don’t miss how much we learn from our children.  They have such a way of simplifying, cutting to the chase, and seeing things for what they are.  Often, the life lessons stem from them.

Each day, week, and year are new. We have no idea what we will learn this year, do we? But it’s truly a continuing education. Enjoy it, embrace it, and use it. If not for yourself, then for those around you. Expand, be useful, and be available. :-)

It’s not about me anymore.

Jan7

It was one of those days. A day in which, for probably a couple hours straight, I went from family member to family member to family member, responding to their requests for help with something. Please know, this is not a writing of complaint (I’ve had a few days to purge that)… it was a day I was being reminded of the importance of my role. Must have needed the reminder.

Any mom/wife/parent can relate to this. I was trying to get some time to preview some literature books for when our homeschooling resumes after Christmas. But every time I went to pick up, “The Princess and the Goblin”, or “Around the World in 80 Days”, I heard, “Hey Mom, do I have any clean jeans?”, “Honey, can you open the garage door for me?”, “How do you play an eighth-note?”, “Are these cookies still good?”, “Does this have gluten in it?”, “Can you help me move the TV back into place?”, “We’re out of cheese”, “Can someone hand me a new soap?” (shower running),”My toast burned!”, “Can you help me carry this back to the garage?”, “Can you feed me?” (that was the dog.), “How do you pronounce this word?”, “Buzz” (that was the dryer), “Are we shopping soon because the fridge is empty.”, and then of course, “What’s for dinner?”

And I only have two kids (neither of which are toddlers), one husband, and one dog. Compared to many gals, my load is easy. But the feeling is universal. We are NEEDED… A LOT…and sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be enough of us to go around! But, as I said earlier, I’m not writing this as a complaint.

Being the center of the home is a blessing. It’s our place. It’s what we do. And the reward of a smiling, appreciative family is priceless. It’s not about us anymore, is it? If it were, we might selfishly find ways to have more time on our hands, but would ultimately have less joy in our hearts and our family’s heart. Our work in the home is eternally purposeful, filling, and lasting.

As a mother, you might find your old dreams have gone up on the shelf for a while. It’s ok. There will be a season in which you may be able to pursue them again. Or, like many of us, you may go to revisit your old dreams, only to find you aren’t interested in them anymore. Your priorities and perspectives have changed. You have developed a new ‘you’ because of your role. Parenthood, when embraced, brings about self-LESS-ness. And that’s a beautiful side-effect. I shudder when I think of how self-focused I would probably be right now had I not been on this path for the last 13 years.

So, when the next ‘interruption’ happens, don’t think of it as an interruption. (And I’ll try to do the same. :-) ) Think of it as the routine. Our routine. We are there for the needs of the family, however unexpected, unpredictable, and busy it might get. Your tea might be lukewarm by the time you get to drink it, after you finally figure out where you last left it in the house (ahem), but it will still taste good (and can always be reheated… more than once…) So, have a nice day, smile, and go enjoy your interruptions! ;-)

Figure Out Your Husband

Dec10

Huh? What in the world does that mean? (And… is that even possible?) Well, I’m talking about what we must do as wives, in order to be faithful in what God has called us to do. Actually, in what He has created us to be. A helpmeet.

“…But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20, KJV

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:22, KJV

And Adam took one look at her and said, “Hooo, boy! Thank you, GOD!!” (Ok, I added that part, but can you just imagine Adam’s initial response to be anything different? :-) ) I’m guessing his work in the garden suddenly took on a whole new added motivation… a little more spring-in-his-step, I’d say.

So now Adam was to take on the role of husband, and Eve the role of wife. Each of them in callings that God designed specifically for each.

What do you think Eve’s tasks included in that beautiful garden home? Probably a little different from our modern-day suburban homes, but I’d also say there were many similarities as well. She was Adam’s wife, the same as we are to our husbands. And she had to figure out what he needed from her.

In all husbands, there are common threads that we wives are to be aware of. All men want to feel supported, encouraged, and ‘backed’. They appreciate and depend on our nurturing, fellowship, rejuvenation, and love. But it’s the how that we have to figure out. And that all depends on each guy.

Every man has his own rhythm, and only his wife will gain the true understanding into how he ticks. So we need to pay attention as wives. What motivates your husband? What speaks to him? And on the flip-side, what irritates or frustrates him? Does he have any clear personality traits that stand out to you?

There’s a whole spectrum of dispositions that the hubbies can be categorized into (as there are for wives as well.) So the key is trying to figure out his general qualities and character traits in order to figure out how to best meet his needs.  (And before going any farther, I want to reference the book, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  It is an excellent book on this subject and the source of the ‘manly categories’ as follows…)

Some men are extremely laid back, slow to move, and take their time in decision-making. You’ll probably need to be very patient as this man’s wife, as he probably won’t appreciate being pushed. He may not verbalize his needs as much, simply because he’s easy-going and adapts easily. This may put a little more guess-work on your plate. But at the same time, your steady-eddie will probably have a sense of quiet peace and be easy to please.  Be content with the calmness and simplicity.

Some are much more high-strung and intense. His helpmeet needs to be at-the-ready. He’s more apt to be spontaneous, driving, and have a ‘why isn’t this handled already?’ mentality. His intentions are not to be harsh… he’s just got the “get ‘er done” personality, which can be a plus. It’s easy to know what he wants because he’s very clear and to-the-point. If you’re a sensitive gal, your marital battles may stem from his lack of sugar-coating, coupled with your beating-around-the-bush. (Ahem.)   View his determined energy with appreciation, and provide support when he asks for it.  He will come to value and depend on your input, counsel, and encouragement.

And in the middle of that spectrum, your husband may fall in the adventuresome/creative category. Always has a new plan or idea, and sees changes that need to be made (that none of the rest of us see the need for.) He’ll want you to be his advocate and cheerleader, which can be a challenge since you’ll probably be holding your breath at the same time, wondering where this is going to take you. I doubt life will be very boring for you, and you may just be married to the next Henry Ford, Wright Brother, or Thomas Edison. Although he may have many failures along the way, hearing your “I believe in you” encouragement will help him find success. It will be wise of you to cover him in prayer… especially for the Lord to provide him with discernment in his decisions.

No matter where your husband falls in the spectrum, observe the small things that matter the most to him. Does he prefer a clean house or does he not even care? Maybe he’s just excited to get home, romp with the kids in the backyard, and throw some meat on the grill, not even noticing if the house is in disarray.

Does he prefer a home-cooked meal made from scratch, or does he get more enjoyment taking his pretty wife out to nice restaurants?

Does his job require him to have unpredictable hours, therefore needing flexibility from you? If so, work on your spontaneity and ability to make quick, easy meals. Don’t get angry at him because the meal that took you two hours to prepare is ruined because he was late. Learn to expect the unexpected so there is no resentment. If he is sinfully unbalanced in his work/family time, pray to the Lord for Him to guide your husband’s heart in being faithful in his priorities.

Above all, we need to keep in mind that we were created to be his suitable helper. Not his leader, boss, or conscience. If you are doubting that you are an unsuitable match for your husband, get rid of that thinking. If you are married to him, then you have a covenant with him and God.  God desires your marriage to succeed, and will bless your efforts. It’s not about making sure all your needs, fantasies, and demands are met. God asked you to be your husband’s helper and will equip you for the task.

And He has designed your husband to fall more in love with you when you are the wife he needs you to be.  If your husband is not being faithful in his God-given role of providing you protection and honor, your sincere behavior will speak volumes to him… especially if it’s undeserved on his part.

Pray to the Lord for His guidance and creativity in how to meet your husband’s needs. Then… be available!  You will see the impact your attention has on your husband, and he will develop a deep appreciation for his beautiful bride.

The Blessing of Prayer

Nov27

This is one area we can’t afford to ignore in our lives.  Over the years of my marriage and motherhood journey, I have come to learn just how much the Lord desires us to be in prayer with Him, and just how much of a gift prayer is.  God has given us the rights to talk to Him directly, anytime we want.  He has the ultimate  ‘open door’ policy for which I am so grateful!  He could have easily created us and said, “Best of luck… you’re on your own now.”  But He didn’t.  He wants that fellowship with us… He desires us to draw near to Him.

And He desires good things for us.  Even though He already knows what we need, He still wants to hear from us.  And, just as with our own children, He does not require that our words be perfect.  All He wants is for you to come to Him.  Regularly.  Not just in the hard times.

In fact, praying in advance for things is a very wise idea.  When you know you will be facing a difficult circumstance, ask for Him to prepare you.  When I am anticipating an event that I know will be difficult for my children to endure, I pray for the Lord to prepare them ahead of time and make their hearts ready.  There is no such thing as praying too early about something.  You can even be praying for your child’s adult years, including his/her future spouse, even if your child is only a newborn!

“Thy will be done…”
“Yes, this can be a hard one to ask.  For His will to be done, not ours.  But the wonderful thing we’re allowed to ask for along with this, is for Him to equip us for whatever His will is.  Although we always think we know what is best, God often has a differing opinion (according to His own reasons).  We can’t know His reasoning, and don’t always have the capacity to understand at the time, but, we can ask for His guidance to get us through what He has planned for us.  As the saying goes, God doesn’t call the equipped, He calls us and then equips us.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 7:8-12, NIV (emphasis mine)

Translation:  You can depend on our great God to meet your needs.  He wants to bless us, just as we enjoy blessing our children.  But be sure to come and ask!

Pray, and be sure to watch and pay attention to how He answers.  Many people keep a prayer journal for this purpose.  It is an easy way to be able to see how His hand has been on you and where He has led you.  It also serves as a wonderful prompt to give praises to Him, as you look back and see His blessings and guidance.

So where do we start?  What do we say?  If you weren’t raised with it, it may be an awkward or unsure area for you.  Here’s my theory… remember He is your Father, so talk to Him as if He’s sitting right there and you need to converse with Him about things.  He’s ready for us any time of day or night.

If you’ve never read them, I highly recommend the prayer books written by Stormie Omartian.  I have personally used Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Parent, and feel they have been extremely helpful in my prayer life.  She has written the books in an easy-to-use format in which she covers about 30 different key areas of life, and then provides an applicable prayer.  For example, in Power of a Praying Wife, some of the prayer topics covered (among many others) are:  Your husband’s work, fatherhood, reputation, purpose, temptations, and trials.  By doing one a day (or more, if you’d like), you know you are covering your husband in prayer in every area of his life, every month.  I really came to like this method, as many of the topics written about were ones that I wouldn’t have thought about on my own.  And the ones in Power of a Praying Parent are just as pertinent to your child’s well-being.

So don’t deny yourself the incredible gift of being able to pray directly to our wonderful God.  Be as specific as you want to be in your prayers (i.e. “Please help me find my missing keys!” (ahem.), or “Please help things go smoothly for my husband’s presentation at work today.”, “Please let your Spirit guide my words as I’m discussing my child’s disobedience with him/her.”, “Please make room in the doctor’s schedule to see our child today.”) .  Pray for your husband, children, parents, family, neighbors, government, teachers, friends, and adversaries (you might be amazed what He can do!).  And don’t forget to pray for yourself, either.  Prayer is amazingly powerful tool available with a simple, silent thought… what a blessing!

The Kindness of a Thank You Note

Nov6

Well, it’s now November, the seasons are changing, and we’ve now found ourselves in the beginnings of preparing for a season of celebration.  Many of us will be attending dinners, parties, and family gatherings, and finding ourselves exchanging gifts with loved ones.  And it struck me to touch on a nicety that I think has faded away a little over the years… Thank You notes.

I’m appreciative this kindness was instilled in me growing up.  It was a wise requirement by my parents for my brothers and I to first take the time to write a note to the giver, before we took the time to cash the check, wash the new outfit, or use and abuse the new toy.  (It’s no fun thanking someone for a gift which we’ve already lost pieces to, used up, or shrunk. :-) )  I’ll be honest that it wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but I’m so glad the habit was taught.

And as I got older, I started understanding that this can be extended to thanking people for events, hospitality, or any recent kindness.  We all know how hard it is to host a gathering or a guest… there’s the cleaning, planning, buying, cooking, coordinating, etc.  It can take a lot of effort, which is often very enjoyable, but at the same time stressful.  So when the hard-working hostess receives a thoughtful thank you note afterwards, it’s sure to bring a smile to her lips.

There’s no age too young to start teaching this to your kids.  I’ve received numerous adorable thank you cards from little ones that were nothing more than a crayon scribble with Mom’s caption, “Thank you for the new dress.  I wear it EVERY day!” underneath it.  The wise parent is imparting a habit that will become second-nature to the child over the years.

It’s a way to extend joy, kindness, and warmth to others.  So during and after this beautiful season (as well as all throughout the year), remember this nicety, and use it as part of your character-development in your children.  You, and they, will be a delight to others. :-)

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